Andro, Meda, Young

So instead of writing a long novel about my life, I decided that it would be easier if I put it in small parts. Small sections, divisions.

So I'm gonna start with the one that had been haunting my thoughts recently.

It was after I came back from Malaysia, with my failed plans and failure to convince the guy I liked to have sexual contact with. He rejected me, with the excuse that he is scared to hurt me and he felt guilty about it.

With a broken heart, and my bruised ego and confidence, I went and play a little with the Tinder app. I guess I dont need to elaborate what's a Tinder app is, cause its widely famous as a Dating App.

And on that day, I matched with a guy who puts his passport photo look alike pic as his profile picture.

Well, I clicked the like button on him cause his looks, appearance is quite acceptable. And he wore earrings on his ear, which i quite like it. But i never expected he would liked me too on my profile, cause he seems like a guy , seems like a bad guy, that will only fall for chinese beautiful girls. with fair skin, and all. Which Im so totally opposite to.

And he messaged me first i think, if im not mistaken, and he said smth like finally someone match with him on tinder.

We talked, and as usual I thought he is gonna be so boring and might not make me feel interested about him.

But, he immediately peak my interest when he watched the Friends series, a Marvel fan..

Was so excited cause not many ppl are like that. So we exchanged our Whatsapp. And he messaged me. Oh yeah, forgot to mention that he downloaded a PUBG app on the phone for me because i said no one to play with and i asked him did he wanna play. and thus he downloaded for me.

And I was the first to call him, after a game of PUBG with him, so that i can teach him how to play, cause it was quite hard to teach him without talking to him in voice. But, we ended up talking for hours instead, and we never did play PUBG again. Cause he said he is quite suck on it.

We talked through phone calls, for like 4 to 5 days. The conversation was so smooth. So so smooth. He tells me his life stories, how he trained muay thai just so he can protect the people he loves, that he had bad breakups, that how was he a third person in a relationship(whch makes me this that was fate cause i too was a third person in a relationship). We even discussed what our son and daughter's names would be, one would be Andro, another would be Meda. And i kept saying woah this is so fast this is too crazy. And how gentle his voice is, how assuring he sounded like, and how he acted when im acting like a small child. I love it. Love it so much.

But things go downhill on the 5th or 6th day.

I dont know why, but he never replied my messages, never answer my calls, and its like after a day and he still havent reply. I got panic, and became like a maniac, kept callling him more than 50 times, kept messaging him, demanding an answer from him. And in the mean time, I had his Instagram and i had been quietly stalking him, seeing whether he's online. And he did. I saw him liking those photos, but he never reply me.

All those promises, he promised he would protect me, he promised he would be there when i need someone to talk to, and even asked me out on a date if i went back to Malaysia in May.

Were those promises a lie?

And he finally replied, after a few hours when I thought he had been blocking me, telling me that the current him coudlnt love anyone, and asked to just be friends.

Is he kidding me? After those conversations, after asking me to like him and made me like him, and he say this now after disappearing?

I asked him, then why r u on Tinder app then? Why did he make those promises? Why did he ask me to like him?

He never replied.

And after a few days, I sent him one long essay, saying that he is not acting like a guy, being so irresponsible even though he is training like a man. and telling him what a douche he is, and tell him to never ever find me.

The message was never seen. There is no blue ticks. He didnt care after all. I'm just a toy for him isnt it?

I still stalk him on Ig for a few weeks. Seeing his stories, seeing what he liked on Insta, seeing his friends, how happy is he with his friends. Even randomly stalk him on Twitter. Until recently, I decided to call it quits. He never liked me, he is just another douche that plays with me, and he is not that great of a man either, and he is not reli that great looking, i might sound mean but his nose is really too large for his face.

I will never know why he did that, the sudden appearance, is it because i asked him to stop smoking? or because the first and last video call we had i didnt appear? (It lasted like 4 mins)

Well, I will never know.

And It's not really important anymore.

Cause I have much better things to do in my life.

Yes, this experience had traumatised me, making me not believing in any guys. Because I was in despair, and i thought he is the one that will come and save me, but nope, just another douche.

No one can save you after all, only yourself.

Goodbye Young, at least u taught me one the most valuable lesson in life--Don't trust people that easily, especially guys.